Aftermath
by MustangsWildSpirit
Summary: How does Kanan deal with the aftermath of the events of Malachor? What is going on with Ezra? This story takes place After Twilight of the Apprentice. Short summary is short.


_Burning red light, searing pain, dark void, and the feeling of helplessness._ Kanan Jarrus, snapped back to reality when the pain shot through his head. He rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. It had been a week since they had return from Malachor, a week to the day that Kanan's sight was taken from him.

"Stang," he cursed. He was becoming very frustrated with meditating. It seemed that every time he was starting to connect with the force, a replay of the lightsaber that defaced him would replay all over again. How was he supposed to connect with the force, if the pain of the attack kept interfering? At this rate he would never master the force to be his eyes.

He was playing the strong soldier for the ghost crew. This was mostly for Ezra's benefit, he was beating himself up over the whole thing. He could feel through the force the gilt that Ezra felt, he blamed himself for Kanan's blindness, and Ahsoka's fate… Kanan was concerned about Ezra, he feared what the event that took place on Malachor would leave a devastating impact on his apprentice.

Another round of pain shot through him, _Red laughing light, unforgiving pain, engulfing darkness._ He sucked in a sharp inhale to duel with the pain. He had not felt this helpless since he watched his master be gunned down before him by once called friends. He wished his master was here now to help him through this, to show him the way. But, she was gone, forever one with the force. So he was on his own…

* * *

 _In hyperspace on board the Phantom making their way back to Atollon, Ezra was still trying to compose himself. The teen had cried into Kanan's shoulder for some time after they left Malachor. No one had spoken since Kanan tried to comfort Ezra, "There was nothing we could have done."_

 _Several minutes had passed before Ezra had collected himself enough to talk, "Well… um… I need to… clean your wound…" The boy was stumbling over what to say, I mean, what would you say?_

" _I can wait till we get to Atollon," Kanan was trying to spare his padawan from what ley beneath the mask shielding his face._

" _No, Kanan, you can't wait that long. The… wound needs to be cleaned. You don't want it to get infected," Ezra left his masters side and made his way to the med kit, that as hidden under one of the seats. Making his way back to Kanan, siting back down next to his master. Ezra opened the med kit, not giving much care to the mess he was making while he rummaging through its contents. He found what he was looking for, gauze, plenty of it, bacta spray, and some much needed pain meds. Ezra then preceded to remove the mask from Kanan's face._

" _Wait!" Kanan quickly grabbed Ezra's arm, though it took a few attempts, "Are you sure you want to do this? Because you don't have to, I am fine with waiting." He kept a firm grip on Ezra's arm._

 _The teen inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. "Well… not really, but there is one else here and… and it has to be done…"_

 _Sighing deeply Kanan reluctantly freed Ezra's arm from his grasp. "Alright."_

 _Ezra, hands slightly trembling, removed the ancient mask from his master's face. The moment he removed it, being the first time to see the wound or any like it in his life, Ezra half choked on his breath. New found tiers were stinging his already sore eyes._

" _How bad is it?" Kanan dared asked. He was answered with Ezra hiding his face in his shoulder. Ezra's his body shook has he tried to fight back the tires. "That bad, huh?"_

" _I'm so sorry…"_

" _It's not your fault" Kanan rubbed Ezra's back soothing the teen._

 _Ezra, pulling away from his master, was quick to follow up, "your wrong, Kanan!" His voice cracking from crying, "It's all my fault! If I had not made you trust Maul, none of this this would have happened!" He paused to catch his breath, tires running freely down his face. Choking on his words, he continued, "If I had not trusted Maul, then… Ahsoka would not be… gone… and you would not be…" He stopped there. How could he say it? How could he fully admit that he had blinded his master? The man that took him in when he was living on the streets, who was training him to be a jedi. Or could he even call himself a Jedi?_

" _Ezra-" Kanan had started, but was cut off._

" _No Kanan! This is all my fault! All of it! It's all my fault!"_

 _Kanan pulled Ezra back into an embrace, cutting the boy off from his tirade. "Ezra," he kept his voice soft but firm, this was not the time to yell at the boy. "This is not your fault, alright. Ahsoka and I made the choice to trust Maul, not you._ _ **I**_ _let my guard down and that was_ _ **my**_ _fault, not yours."_

" _But, Kanan…"_

 _Kanan cut him off again, "This was not your fault."_

 _Kanan just assumed that Ezra must have given up the will to counter, since he did not give another sound of protest. Kanan just continued to rube Ezra back. Neither one of them dared to break the silence; the only sound that could be herd was the comforting sound of the phantoms hyperdrive._

 _Fighting back his emotions Ezra set back up. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Without speaking, he picked the, now bacta soaked gauze, up and preceded to wrap his master's face. The pain from the bacta coming in contact with his burned skin was intense, but it did bring some comfort._

 _After Ezra was done wrapping his master's face, he injected the pain meds. Kanan flinch a little when the needle punctured his skin, but he welcomed it. If this little discomfort was what it took to give him some relief from the more intense pain, he would welcome it any day._

 _Kanan was plagued by not knowing how bad the wound really was. But, he did not dare ask Ezra how bad it was, to know if there was anything... left… the kid had already been through enough today, he did not want him go through more._

 _Chopper sounded over the comlink that they were about ready to come out of hyperspace. Kanan wished that his return home would have been a happier one, and with one more aboard the Phantom…_

* * *

The homecoming had been a bittersweet one. The blinded Jedi could not see the sadness one Hera's face, but he could feel it when her trembling hands made contact with his face. Kanan was not sure what Ezra had been up to since then. He knew that Ezra was trying to avoid him, and in truth, Kanan was avoiding him too. Sure Ezra needed some space, just as he did. But, what was he going to be able to help with? He was no good to Ezra now, what good could a blind master be to his padawan?

Frustrated, Kanan punched the ground beneath him. How was he ever going to be normal again!? The lone Jedi had been meditating all morning in hopes of finding a new way to use the force to see. But, he just could not focus! He had heard stories of Jedi long before him that had mastered a way to use the force to be their eyes. Unfortunately, he was never taught nor did he study these techniques. He just could not do it. He was so focused on mastering this skill, that the prospect of never achieving these skill was clouding his mind with much anger.

The child in him, Caleb Dume, knew that he could rely on his master, Depa Billaba to show him the way when he was lost. But, Kanan Jarrus, no longer that child, knew that was wishing the impossible. He looked to the bottle of ale next to him, removing the lid, he took a swig. The bitterness of the ale burned his trout, but the mild pain was welcomed.

He had promised himself that he would never touch the stuff again. Before he had met Hara, you could've often found Kanan in the local cantina. His only company, a bottle of ale. He had not touched the stuff since he had join the ghost crew. The ale helped dull the pain. Though, he supposed the alcohol would hinder his abilities to connect with the force.

With one more swig, he replaced the lid, and returned to his mediating. Taking deep breaths to clear his mind, _okay, just try to focus on something, like… a rock. Yes there are lots of rocks here. Okay, so just focus._ The more he focused, the more distorted his mind felt. The ground beneath him felt uneven, as if it were to open up and consume him.

The world fell away, all he could see was red. The sound of mocking laughter cut through him like a blade.

Kanan found himself falling to the ground in a panic, his body on fire. He open and closed his eyes, but could only see red. Red the color of blood. His blood? No, but some else. A body lay before him, he could see the face covered in red life giving blood. Her eyes open, "why did you not save me Caleb? Why did you run?" her voice was cracking as she chocked on her own blood.

"You told me to run!" the boy, Caleb, answered "you told me to run, master…" that was all he could say.

"You failed me! You are too blind to see that you failed me." Though the voice that spoke this words did not come from the mouth of Caleb's master, but of the mouth of Kanan's padawan, Ezra. "You failed us all!" The boy stood, pointing an accusing finger at his master, choking on the blood in his mouth. Ezra then stretch his blood coved arm, to point at what lied beyond, "You failed us all!"

Before Kanan was the life less bodies of every one he cared for. His master, Ahsoka, the whole ghost crew, all were the color red and covered with blaster wounds. Kanan looked up to see a line of clone troopers, but not just any clones. No, he knew these clone, each by name, Commander Grey, Captain Styles, Stance, Commander Wolffe, Gregor, and Captain Rex. The clone kept repeating, "Good soldiers follow orders."

"No…" Kanan started to cry, "how could this happen?"

"You," Ezra chocked out, "you did not come to save us. You left us to die!" With those words, the boy gave his last breath and fell to the ground.

"No! No, Ezra! Wake up! No… this can't be happening!" Kanan cried at the top of his lungs. The world fell away, leaving nothing, but red.

" _Is this my world now? To live in nothing but this damming red!?"_

A convor out in the distance, gave his call. Its light color was the only contrast against the red. "Kanan," the bird called to him. He knew that convor was his life line. Kanan started to run to it, the closer he got, the more audible the convor's call sounded, "Kanan," It called his name, "Kanan," it kept repeating itself. With each call it called his name louder. "Kanan! Wake up!"

Wake up? He was a sleep? But, he could not remember falling asleep. Kanan did not care, he kept running towards the voice.

The world was shaking! No? Wait… he was shaking, why was he shaking? "Kanan! Wake up, please." The voice was female and very familiar to him. _Wait… Hera?_ "Damn it, Kanan! Wake up already" He felt a good shake after she yelled at him. Yes, indeed, that was Hera.

The world of Atollon started to come back to him. He could feel the sun's warmth on his face, gentle washed away by a light breeze, and the sound of convors playing somewhere off in the distance. Kanan was back in the present.

"Hera?" He answered weakly.

"Thank the force!" She gave him a big hug, "Wait happened? I came looking for you, and here I found you, on the ground, screaming." Her voice was filled with worry.

Kanan realizing that he had just endured a hellish vision. All that death, all that blood, was not real.

"I had a force vision… of shorts" Hera pulled away from the embrace to look into his face. Though, the bandage prevented her from looking him in the eyes. She, instead, focused on the little details of his face. She noticed that a fresh stubble was visible on his chin, and his skin was paler then usual "I'm alright now Hera… really I'm fine. So you can leave."

 _Wait. Leave?_ That was all Hera needed to hear. She quickly got to her feet and began to lay into him. "Kanan! I already have a jedi that is keeping to himself, I don't need another! I know you are going through a lot, I get that, but," Her foot had knock something over. She looked down to found a bottle of ale. The twi'lek picked the bottle up and just looked at for a while. Kanan knew what she found and chose not to say a word.

"You… you're drinking…?" The sadness in her voice tore through Kanan, like a lightsaber through durasteel. "Why?" Hera asked.

Silence.

Hera felt as if she had been punched in the gut. "Drinking away your problems, only make new ones…" Hera keeled back down, to be on Kanan's level. She grabbed his hand. Kanan steeled himself. "I know there is nothing I can do about your sight. But you don't have to fight this battle alone." Hera paused a moment, "You know that I will always be here for you."

Hera, still with the bottle in hand, turned and throw it at the closest rock. The sound of glass shattering told Kanan that the bottle of ale was no more.

"Don't let this blindness define who you are. You have something that most people do not; you have the force, use it. You're not facing the unknown on your own this time. We are your family and we will be there for you every step of the way." Hera finished, waiting for his response.

The two remained silent for a duration of time, before Kanan finally responded by pulling Hera into an embrace.

They stayed that way with nary a sound.

Caleb Dum may have had to fight his battles on his own, but Kanan Jarrus would fight this battle with his family.

* * *

Elsewhere, far from the safety barrier which surrounded the Chopper base, which the ghost crew called home, for the time being. A figure, sitting in a kneeling position, with eyes closed, searched his surrounding using the force. He had remained in this spot for hours, connecting with the force.

A krykna hunting for prey to bring back to his nest. Spied his quarry, the beast made his way for the kill.

The young jedi sensed the impinging attack, but did not move. The krykna now stood just feet from the boy, shrieking his terrifying roar. But, the jedi still did not move. The beast was about to give the killing blow, when it felt something trying to invade its mind. The spider like creature paused his attack, retaliating against assaulting presents. There was nothing living that could conquer the krykna's spirit. But, that was about to be put to the test.

Ezra stood form where he was kneeling, with an out stretched hand, he was trying- no, he was going to control the monster that dare threatened him. Unlike the other Krykna that blocked his connection in the past, he was going to control this krykna, he was not taking no for an answer.

Ezra could hear Kanan's coaching, from the first time he had connected with an animal, playing in the back of his mind, but there was also another. The voice was not distinguishable, but it fueled him with confidence and power. So he pressed his attack on the krykna. The creature screamed its protests, which only made Ezra fight for control even harder.

The krykna gave one last cry before it succumbed to defeat. Ezra smiled as the beast quieted and almost seemed to bow in respect to the jedi that had tamed him. Ezra, staring into its many eyes, placed a hand on the creatures face as a final declaration of victory.

Ezra Bridger, would never found himself to help others. He was going to be a powerful jedi, so he could keep his family safe, by any means necessary.

* * *

 **A/N: Its finally done! Oh, man, did this take some time! But, here its is. I wanted to post this story before season 3 premiered. So, 4 days to spare!**

 **I hope the dialog between Kanan and Hera was not too sappy, I was having a really hard time with it. So, sorry to say, it got a passing grade, just barely.  
**

 **The part with Kanan and Ezra was inspired by the wonderful lorna-ka over on Tumblr, if you have not checked her out already, then I suggest you do. Here is the link to the art work that was my inspiration https: lorna-ka .tumblr post /142033948688 /forgive -my-messy -doodles-im- trying -to-cope  
**

 **I hoped you enjoyed :)**


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